I heart the blog “Shit My Dad Says” so much. I could never HOPE to have a Dad as awesome as this guy’s dad, but I was remembering some pretty random thoughts imparted to me by my father. I will add this disclaimer that you aren’t likely to find this insanely funny unless you know my Daddy who is in fact insane.
1. Jazz class? JAZZ CLASS! I already pay for ballet and tap. That jazz dancing is dangerous. Next thing you know-she’ll be a go-go dancer at a topless club.
2. Your brother’s friends-they only want ONE thing from you. Trust me-I had friends with sisters, too.
3. You were our little souvenir that came nine months after that Tina Turner concert in Las Vegas. I never could get your mother to Vegas again.
4. Familiarity breeds contempt. Just look at me and your mother.
5. You look too skinny. You aren’t throwing up after you eat are you? Good because I paid a lot for those teeth.
6. The shorter the skirt..the earlier the curfew young lady.
7. Birth control pills? Birth control pills! You realize that if you take those that you will get large brown spots on your arms like leprosy. Just something to think about.
8. You SALTED the chips? Oh my God. My daughter is trying to KILL me as we sit here at El Chico. You are no longer my daughter. (he ran to the car and sat there and pouted and disowned me for three days–it was soo quiet those three days)
9. You should put that in the book you are going to write one day.
10. No man will ever love you as much as I do, and few will be worthy to try.