In my previous post, I explore all the positives that a relationship with Antoine has to offer. Having taken more time to ruminate on the situation, I have decided that Antoine and I will not be driving west in our hoopty into the sunset. Why? I know that he seemed perfect for me, but I found 5 key reasons why this could never work.
1. Hair-What exactly is going on under that red bandana? Is it more than just a decorative piece? What if it is covering up some serious nappy-ass-shit? Hair is a huge priority to me in the grooming process-huge. Antoine-it isn’t looking good.
2.Mysterious Rolled Up Piece of Paper– I would really need to know what that paper says. Could he be honest with me about the contents? Honesty is huge in a relationship. Not being able to verify the words on that paper coupled with the fact that I am already doubting his sincerity is seriously affecting my melt quotient.
3.Sleeping Arrangements-I think he is considerate, but what side of the bed am I on? To reference his lyrical masterpiece, “They climbing in yo’ windows…snatching yo people up..” So does he have me on the side by the window for easier access or the side by the door so that I can run out screaming? Until I can verify his true concern for my safety, this definitely stays on the con side.
4.Accessories-Is Antoine wearing an ankle bracelet? He purports a strong knowledge of the penal system. Also, would he drop trou if I used the word “penal” in a sentence, I’m afraid he would. Antoine..Antoine…
5.Subtitles Needed– Despite his wily word-smithing ways, I’m not entirely certain that I could have deciphered Antoine’s song without subtitles. I’m worried that we might have a “failure to communicate” over current affairs. How can I be serious about someone whose answers I can’t understand whether talking about Israel’s plight in the Middle East or Who’s the Baby-Daddy on this episode of Springer? I KNOW he has opinions about these.
Hmmm…Ladies, I hope this was a lesson to you that there are two sides to every man. As swayed as I was by the glitz and glamour of Antoine’s shot into Superstardom, I have to let him go. It doesn’t help that he is probably still in high school which means pursuing a relationship with him could mean matching ankle bracelets. No man is worth pulling a Lohan over.