I find myself being asked that often lately, and for good reason. It’s a hard question to answer on so many levels. Everyone knows that I was always the confident one, the secure one and let’s face it-the prideful one. I had good reason to be prideful. I was indulged and petted by loving parents, protective brothers, amazing teachers and loyal friends. In return, they received the fierceness of my love and the knowledge that I would do anything for them. That fact has not changed in the least.
Appearances can be very deceiving–trust me-I have first hand knowledge on this. I worry that people might misinterpret my glib manner, my joie de vivre or my willingness to discuss difficult issues like the “D” word as proof that this hasn’t been and wasn’t a very painful time for me–quite the contrary.
I wouldn’t wish the past two years on anyone, and it was agonizing to put on a brave face choosing at the time what I thought would be the best route for my children and myself. It plain sucked keeping my heart and trust open to the person that hurt me the most. Trust me–the injured party isn’t always the one moping in corners with a mobile device in their hand or sighing passive aggressive sighs.
However, being a grown up means that sometimes you put on your big girl panties (GOD-I hate that word, mother!), and you get on with it. You do what you’re supposed to do for those that you love, you don’t give up, you don’t leave and by God, being a southern woman means that we do it all with a damn smile on our face making everyone else comfortable while we bite through our tongue.
How am I? Humbled. Happy. Honored by the love and concern. Hopeful for the future whatever it may hold.