So, I recently had an argument with one of my married guy friends about sex appeal. No worries-his wife was standing right there laughing
her ass, ahem, herself silly at our interchange. I’m nothing if not appropriate in my sex discussions with married men. Sigh..that didn’t sound right at all, did it? I hope one day to afford an editor.
Me: Eww..creepy private Facebook message from boy..he’s stalking me.
MGF (married guy friend): Of course, he is. You’re sexy.
Me: Ewww..I am NOT. I’m cuuuuuute.
MGF: OK first of all, “Cute” is one syllable, but when you say it like that, it’s kinda….SEXY.
Me: STOP! I am not sexy..those angel girls are sexy. I wear glasses.
MGF: Uh, yeah, I know. And stop making me think about your boobs. (wife hits him to make him mind p’s and q’s)
Me: WHAA…I’m not making you think about my boobs. Don’t think about my boobs. Think about Gazelle’s boobs..or whatever..
MGF: You are so backward. It’s Giselle.
Me: I don’t really care. Listen, I’m not down with this sexy business. It’s smarmy. I like to be considered “cute.” So knock it off..
MGF: So stop showing off your, uh, smarts..
MGF: Look. We’re all old now. You were cute in HS with your glasses and little drill team skirt. Now, you’re cute but smart..old guys like that…it’s sexy because let’s face it, a smart girl can support us in our old age and if she isn’t bad to look at…welll…
Me and MGFW (married guy friend’s wife): You’re an ass…
MGF: And that is why you BOTH like me…
But that’s another blog post…