Love and Loss…

The Author's angelic sister on a family ski trip in 1975.

Within a few months of each other, I lost two very important things, the nuclear family that I had created was shattered by deception and divorce, and my sister was snatched from me by a prion disease called CJD. My grief was immeasurable. I actually told my close friends that I felt literally “at capacity” with emotion and pain not to mention heartache.

My heart led many of my thoughts daily which created a revolving door of emotion in which my head and heart would battle for control. My head wanted to propel past the grief, ignore God’s hand in the process, and force myself past the feelings of vulnerability and lack of control while my heart continued to remind me how vulnerable I really was.

I’ve never been a person to ask for things or ask for help. I was the child who “did it herself,” and I’m afraid that as a woman, I still am. Even in the midst of divorce, I only tiptoed around the precipice of truly leaning on my friends and family. He wanted our divorce to be “professional and dignified.” I wanted our marriage to be “pure and delightful.” However, faithful in marriage evolved to faithful in divorce, and I tried very hard to be respectful and circumspect just in case, the gaping hole through the center of my stomach could somehow be soothed after nearly two years. It couldn’t, but I made it..just barely.. limping to the other side.

Thankfully, what I have learned through this process is that even in the prettiest of shoes, limping isn’t very fun. I’ve been blessed with wonderful people to support me during this time of great need, and as I mourn my sister’s death, I’m carried by their love and friendship.

She died at 6:55pm on February 9, 2011. I miss and love you, C. XOXO, Babe

“One’s sister is part of one’s essential self, an eternal presence of one’s heart, soul and memory.” Susan Cabil

About Jen Cross

Born and raised in Dallas, TX, I enjoy writing books about life in Dallas and relationships and their many ups and downs.
This entry was posted in Family, Friends, Sister and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Love and Loss…

  1. Katherine says:

    Praying for you Cara. I have no way to understand the grief you are experiencing. I know God’s hands are upon you during this time.

  2. Paige says:

    I am so sorry for your loss! Sending you my thoughts and prayers that God grants you the serenity and strength you need to get through these trying times! Roses to you!

  3. Erica Barlow says:

    Your words are amazing, thank you for sharing. ‘Even in pretty shoes’, pain is pain.

  4. MiMi says:

    I am sorry, honey. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a sister, but I will hold you close to my heart in the difficult weeks and months to come. I pray, as time passes, the memories you created together will give you a small measure of comfort.

  5. Julia says:

    I’m so sorry. Peace and strength to you and your family.

  6. Kassandra says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the pain of losing a sister. You are in my thoughts during this difficult time.

    Kassandra

  7. Kimberly A. Graham says:

    Sending you love and light. My heart is broken for you. I am so very sorry.
    love,
    Kimberly

  8. darcie says:

    so very very sorry for your loss…
    thinking of you –
    xxoo

  9. Cynthia Roberts says:

    Your words filled me with sadness and understanding. My beloved sister also died this winter, on January 13. I miss her every day.

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