“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43-18-19
he past six months have provided me with ample time for reflection on my life. My past mistakes, and my realization that the timeline of my life has ripped apart into a reality that I don’t recognize from the story that I had written ten, five, even two years ago.
Terrifying, isn’t it? To discover that no course of action can really separate you from the plan that God has for your life. Humbling to discover that your idols that you held whether they were monetary success, marital bliss, or perfectly behaved children-all of these will crumble like dust when held too tightly.
The course of my life that I plotted at 25 and at 30 has changed in a direction that I never expected. I had found immense joy and satisfaction from being Room Mother, resident cookie baker and occasional blogger who fantasized about writing the great American Novel. At least, I thought I did. Truthfully, I wasn’t living the full existence that God meant for me to live although my days were certainly full with activities and works that would argue to the contrary.
Since my separation and divorce, I have tiptoed around the precipice of what my life might be, how things might change, and what these changes might mean for my children, for me, for our future. Where I was once so confident on the simple path of my life when it came to marriage, family, relationships, and career, I began to realize that I was meant for more than a simple path or a simple existence–we all are really.
Why didn’t I realize this sooner? Timing. My life hasn’t revealed itself in my timing, but in God’s timing. I was journaling the other day, and it occurred to me that in letting go of one of my idols–being the loving, obedient stay at home wife while my husband conquered the world–I had set forth a defining catalyst to becoming the woman and mother that God has called me to be.
I finally understood that the “Work-Life Balance” that I had for many years begged my husband to achieve if not for him or us but to model for our children would now be modeled by me. This epiphany not only freed me from the terror of the unknown as I start my own business, but it freed me to understand that my example to my sons would have lasting implications.
I was free. I was found. I knew where God wanted to use me. Understanding this and also understanding that again, this is where God wants me NOW, but perhaps not forever, has allowed me to plant my feet firmly on the ground, look over the precipice and LEAP. I leap knowing that He will catch me no matter where I land.
Most importantly, I’m finally realizing my dream of supporting myself with my writing, and while, my novel completion is still imminent, I now, have ongoing work supporting clients with their social media needs. Amazing how God works, I can’t wait to see what he has planned for me next.